Our house is on the market and that means that realtors come by to show our house and we have to find a place to hide. On Saturday I was forced to go we chose to go to the mall. Now that the arcade, movie store, and the book store have gone out of business due to progress, I have very little reason to go to the mall. We walked around while pushing the twins in a double stroller, and did our best to not slap strangers that came up and touched our babies. While I was there I saw some amusing people that I tend to always see at the mall when it’s crowded. I tweeted a couple of the people that I saw and I also asked others to play along. We came up with the following list…
- The couple who walk side by side with their arms around each other, and their hands in each other’s pockets. Nothing says classy like copping a feel of your boyfriend/girlfriends butt cheek while walking in the mall.
- Teenagers who need a good spanking. For many teenagers the mall has become a playground and adults are invisible. I saw a lot of stuff that made me judge their parents ability to raise quility human beings.
- The girl who wears an outfit that is one size too small. That last one was submitted by my wife.
- The people who brought everything they own along with them. Kids, strollers, pack n play, puppies and the maid. That last one was submitted via Twitter by Ricky Anderson.
- Mall walkers. These people don’t need a gym membership. Why pay for that when you can walk for free. Now if you see one of these beware. They walk really fast and will walk you over if you don’t get out of the way. That one was submitted by JAWaldrop via Twitter.
- The clueless shopper. You know the one? It’s the person who steps in front of you and walks incredibly slow while blocking the entire walkway. They are clueless to the fact that you were walking twice as fast and that they totally cut you off. Submitted by Heather Summers via Twitter.
- The sketchy guy who scares the mess out of you. This guy just has a look in his eye that screams CRAZY. Hide your kids, hide your wife, and hide your wallet when you see that guy.
There are a lot of different types of people that tend to always be at the mall. A lot of them are borderline psycho billy ninjas. I don’t know what that means but it equals annoying. A lot of the people at the mall drive me crazy. All of the people are in need of Jesus. On this particular adventure to the mall I felt sad for all the people there who may not know Jesus. As I was people watching I couldn’t help but think of a verse in the Bible, “When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.” According to that verse when Jesus saw the masses he had compassion on them. I wonder if that’s how Jesus would feel if he visited a mall today?
What other types of people do you always see at the mall?
Great list. I can add one more, how about the blogging preacher and his wife. I will also helpfully provide a synonym for this. TROUBLE.
We are trouble at the mall.
Rob, don’t forget the mall cop who thinks he’s Barney Fife
Larry, yeah that guy takes his job very seriously.
These descriptions are way dead on. And they intensify at Christmas time.
I worked as a mall cop for a couple of years and saw all of these. But you forgot about the teenagers who don’t have cars or dates on a Saturday night so their parents dropped them off to do something out of the house.
Josh, yeah those are some of the teens that are in need of a good spanking.
•The girl who wears an outfit that is one size too small. That last one was submitted by my wife.
This is soooo funny….my wife does this too all the time!
Thanks for the laugh today Rob!
Arny, my pleasure!
How about the gang–the group that swaggers along carrying on conversation and oblivious that they are blocking the path of others.
Mim, they were definitly at the mall on the day we went.
The security guard AKA mall cop. That guy always gives you the eye and he has no intention of ever running after you. Why? cause he’s lazy, sluggish and just plain bored. He just makes himself believe he has some sort of authority. 🙂
Moe, have you seen the one on segways? I think they might chase you.
Segways can’t go down escalators. BOOM!
This past Sunday I was at the mall and realized that I was getting old when I kept thinking, “I would never let my daughter out of the house with those way too short, shorts.”
Sele, I hear ya. It’s crazy because they probably paid a lot of money for not much material.
The overzealous perfume lady. No, I don’t want to have a double-dosage spray of Coolwater all over my body!
Dustin, how could I forget her? She’s always at the mall!
The cell phone peddler. Dude, EVERYONE already has a cell phone. No, you don’t have a better/cheaper plan AND I’m not going to pay an early termination fee so you can hit your sales quota.
KC, the cell phone peddlers at my mall don’t ever seem to be working. They just seem like they are hitting on women.
I am in agreement with you… I never go to the mall, and there is nothing there that holds my attention. We had to go to the mall in my hometown a couple weeks ago. I used to love going there when I was in high school. Within about 2 minutes, I was crying inside and looking for avenues of escape.
Nobody messes with me at the mall because I have this look when I do go there of “If you approach me with your cell phones or your perfume or your imitation Crocs, I’m going to jump on top of your kiosk and hit you with a flying shoulder tackle.”
My wife, on the other hand, because she is blonde, always, always, ALWAYS has somebody chasing her with either a $250 flat iron or some kind of hair extension thing.
Russ, so if you are with your wife do they notice your death stare or do they skip it and attack your wife?
The passion in which the kiosk employees conduct themselves is infectious. It may be a crap job, but if everyone gave there all like they do when selling a cancer free smoking experience, not sure this country would be having these recession issues!
We could take that verse and say “When the WEC family saw the masses they had compassion”. The mission embodied in verse.
Scott, you are right on! Thanks for the comment!
I can’t stop thinking about this, and I probably shouldn’t, but as we (I) talk about the over zealous kiosk sales people I have to wonder, isn’t that exactly what God wants from us?? Some of the kiosk people are getting paid minumum wage or some sort of commission and come with some serious fire, like they truly believe in what they are selling. But you know you can always tell the ones who own the kiosk compared to the ones being paid. You can really feel that passion in their voice when it’s their name on the space rental bill. We, as Christ followers are being paid with Eternal Life!! A life free of shame!! A life free of judgement!! A life free from sin!! We should arise in the morning with the same fire about our Redeemer and live it in everything we do and take absolute ownership in our faith. This doesn’t mean spraying Jesus perfume in the face of all who pass by, but living passionately for our God in all we do. Be an example of exactly what it means to be a Christ follower, through actions, speech and thought. Just like the hourly kiosk employee, they might be saying all the right things, but they don’t move you like the ones paying the bills. Just like us, it’s not enough to say the right things because the faith pessimist will sniff us out and push even further away. But by being a living example, the Lords power can not be questioned.
I can you who you don’t see at the mall: Burrill. I hate malls. They’re the subdivisions of shopping: they’re ugly, unnatural, and completely unpleasant. (If you can’t tell, I don’t like subdivisions, either.) They take the good idea of a downtown shopping area with a variety of stores in a walkable area — if you’ve ever been to the downtown of a good city you know what I mean — and make it unpalatable and contrived by jamming it into one horrible building. (That’s just like subdivisions taking the good idea of a charming residential area formed over time and making it unpalatable and contrived by building a bunch of cookie-cutter houses all at once with a confusing network of streets that wind around FOR NO GOOD REASON.) If I were king of the world there would be neither malls nor subdivisions.
So, with that in mind…I can’t contribute to this list because I don’t go to malls.
You’ve shared your passion for hating malls before on Twitter. I’d like to see you go to a mall and tweet about your experience.
I’m pretty sure that would end in violence. If you promise to pay my legal fees, I might possibly think about pondering the idea of considering it.
If you think people at the mall are bad just go to a theme park. It gets far worse.
…especially if the theme of the park is “Stupid People”. Wait, never mind. That’s the theme of EVERY theme park.
Nothing cracks me up quite like a good mall walker sighting. Some of them mean BUSINESS. Sweats and iPod and everything. 😉
When I worked for the Census last year we would have crew meetings at the mall’s food court on early Saturday mornings, and all the old mall-walkers would be out in full-force. So intense. Had no idea it was such a “thing.”
I laughed out loud (lol) when i read the comment your wife wrote. That is something my wife would have posted!! Yes, I can’t believe what some of these kid’s wear this day! I mean parent’s seriously. Oh, and we all know how I feel about sagging pants.
I hate the mall, too.
Every mall has the exact same stores – bland and expensive department stores, froo-froo crap for women stores, skanky clothing stores, and obnoxious kiosks.
If you gave me $100 to spend on the way in, I’d pull an immediate u-turn and leave 1.7 seconds later with $100.
Thanks for the shout-out!