Adults cry about a lot. Now I’m not talking about crying with tears I’m talking about crying because we didn’t get our way. We many not have physical tears but humans cry a lot. We cry when we have to sit in traffic. We cry when we don’t get good service. We cry when people don’t do what we want them to do. We adults can be very large cry babies sometimes.
One human cries loud about something being unfair and the government freaks out and makes a change. Ahem ahem…cough cough…taking prayer out of public schools. One church goer cries and the pastor does whatever they can to sooth them. It doesn’t matter if the church member is being selfish. If they cry they have to be soothed…right? A teenager cries to their parents that they don’t want to go to church anymore and the parent gives in to soothe them.
It’s not easy to let someone cry. In fact it’s unnatural. It’s natural to respond to the cries, but sometimes we have to pull a Hootie (as in Hootie and Blowfish) and Let Her Cry. Always responding to the crying is natural but it’s not leading. Leading is hard. Whether you are leading employees, volunteers, or a family sometimes you have to let them cry. If they are crying and it’s not in the best interest of the entire organization or family then you let them cry. Eventually they will stop. The hardest part is waiting for them to stop crying!
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen or I have changed something that affects a lot of people because one person cries. The problem with it is that if you react too soon you have gone back on what you think is right. Stay the course and eventually the crying will stop. I know this isn’t easy. In fact I’m reminding myself of this right now. But like I’ve already written, eventually the crying will stop.
I made a change once to the way that we do Student Community Groups. Before I came to Waters Edge Student Groups were co-ed. I made a change and I heard weeping and gnashing of teeth. You would have though that I personally slapped every teenager that went to Waters Edge. They cried. I stayed the course. After a few months nobody cried. Now people love the way that we do Student Groups. The morale of the story is that people will cry. Stay the course, if you think it’s the right move, and eventually they will stop crying.
What are your thoughts about this post? Am I on to something or am I way off?
I think the issue of let 'em cry or not depends on the situation. Sometimes these things make themselves clear. Other times you have to pray and seek counsel and have a meal at Chipotles before you can know what to do. But I think the real answer is clear, just ask me next time. I have all the right solutions. (Of course that was a joke, and a rather bad one at that.)
I think as long as you're willing to honestly consider what others have to say, staying the course is fine. If you've listened to others' counsel and still feel your decision is the correct course of action, then stick with it.
But not listening to others' input makes you a fool.
Proverbs 15:22
I'm probably totally missing your point here, but my suggestion is to pick up those babies any time you want! If they cry, they need something and need to know that you will respond to their needs.
if you listen to every little cry and try to make everyone happy you will never make any one happy and wear yourself out…there will always be those that cry…sometimes you got to let them…
(I think your friend, Daniel Carman is almost as funny as you are.) I get your point, though, and I believe you are on to something. It is important to hear all the crying, and then make your decision based on all the input. You know when the crying is for something or when it is just because they don't like it. Sometimes people don't know when it is for their own good.
I think you are on to something provided you've taken the time to listen first.
Wish i had read this yesterday…
"If they are crying and it's not in the best interest of the entire organization or family then you let them cry."
Right on. Raising a child helps me apply this thought to the other aspects in my life. Soothing is good. As long as soothing one doesn't make 10 others start crying. Sometimes, people cry and need the soothing. Other times, they need to be left to finish their boo-hooing and learn to go with the flow. It's a valuable lesson.
Lindsey, thank you for your comment. I was beginning to think that I wasn't very clear or that my post wasn't making the point that I was going for. Thanks again.
Thanks. I agree. I am not saying that we become stone cold. But if you've checked on them, listened to them, and they cry because they don't like the change then you have to lead. Thanks again.
Daniel, did you see Meema's comment?
Meema92, I agree. Have you ever read his blog? http://dancarman.blogspot.com/
Brian, agreed. I should have had you write this post. You said it well.
I sorta agree with Jill. Letting them "cry it out" for a little bit is alright, like no more than 15-20 minutes. It gives them a chance to work it out for themselves, but if they are still screaming after that a quick rock/cuddle will normally do the trick. Our pediatrician strongly disagrees with the books that direct parents to let their babies cry. When they are little babies they need to know that someone is there for them when they need them.
Sometimes to be an effective leader or parent you have to remember that you aren't always there to be "the friend"; friendly yes, but not the "agree just to smooth feelings" kind of friend. The best counsel we may get is listening to those "crazy ideas" from those who are trying to help us and not simply obey our own selfish thoughts.
Troy, great word. Thanks for adding to the discussion!
Melissa, there is definitly a time where you check on them…for sure. Baby Wise talks about that. Thanks for the comment!