Some people make insecurity their permanent home. I tend to make it more of a vacation home. I don’t visit insecurity-ville daily but I do visit it from time to time. For example…
- A couple of weeks ago I hosted Andy Stanley (pastor and author and amazing) at a luncheon. My mind decided that it was a good time to visit insecurity-ville. I had crazy thoughts like “what if I say something dumb because I’m nervous? What if I say, do you want to have a tickle fight? What if he banns me from going to church because of my stupid tickle fight comment? Oh, and not just his church, all churches everywhere.” My crazy thoughts led me to become shy and reserved. It wasn’t easy to fight through but I did.
- I was doing the welcome at church and a couple of people in the front row started laughing. I wasn’t saying anything funny so I started to assume that they were laughing at me. I then convinced myself that my zipper was down and everyone could see my Batman underwear. When I got off stage the first thing I did was check my fly. It was zipped.
- Writing a certain blog post. I had an idea that I really liked but I was nervous that some people might take it the wrong way. I almost didn’t post it, but it ended up being a post that a lot of people enjoyed.
The problem with my insecurity is that it makes me a false prophet. It tells me things that sound like truth but rarely if ever come true. It makes me shut down. It tells me that everyone is watching every move that I make. It makes me the center of the universe.
The truth is that most of the time I’m not the center of attention. Most of the time people don’t notice what shoes I’m wearing, or what I say. Most people are too busy with themselves to focus on me.
For example, I once was told a story about a my friend’s youth pastor that had big man nipples. We were at the beach. I have big man nipples. I hate taking my shirt off because of it. I’m sitting there listening to his story and it dawns on me that he is not as concerned with my man nipples as I am. Um…that sounds really dicey but don’t miss the point. He told me a story that had nothing to do with me. I wanted to make it about me. I wanted to analyze why he told me that story. He told me that story because it was funny. He didn’t see me the same way that I saw myself.
I don’t always do a great job of making my visit to insecurity-ville short. I don’t think there is a handbook on how to get over our insecurities but there a few things that help me.
- Remember that even if I was perfect somebody would crucify me. In other words someone is going to potentially make fun of me. Somebody is going to not like something I do. At the end of the day I can’t please all people so I have to try to please God with my actions. If someone does make fun of me then it’s okay. I’m not defined by someone’s negative or positive opinion of me.
- Remember that it’s not all about me. Every comment, laugh, and facial expression aren’t about me. When I walk into a room some people notice but most people won’t remember my entrance.
- Remember that most people are too focused on themselves to care about what I’m doing.
- Remember whose opinion really matters. I get so focused on people’s opinions that I don’t really know. I know my God loves me. I know my wife loves me. I know my friends love me. I need to focus on who really matters.
- Remember to enjoy the moment. When I get insecure I miss out on the moment. I shut down in my insecurity.
Today if you find yourself visiting insecurity-ville do whatever you can to leave quickly. Treat it like a roach motel and have nothing to do with it.
What’s something that you are insecure about?
My wednesday night devotionals. I don’t get nervous when I preach every Sunday, but for some reason I always feel weird about my devotionals.
Michael, it’s funny what insecurity picks to hit us with. I’m thankful for 2 Corinthians 12:7-10.
Hands down my favorite blog post of yours to date! I visit insecurity-ville daily and this post definitely helped explain it.
Danielle, thanks! I never know what posts are going to connect. I’m thankful that God uses my mess to sometimes help others out.
Rob, you are not alone. I visit Insecurity-ville often. I like to project a sense of confidence, but a little shy insecure kid is often shaking in his shoes. And that whole thing of thinking some of these things are all about us plagues many of us.
Larry, I’m glad I’m not alone in this one.
Rob, it’s down-to-earth, honest posts like this one that keep me coming by here regularly. When you put your struggles on display, it helps me to know that I am not as big a loser and a freak as I can sometimes come to believe. Blessings.
Thanks Daniel. And don’t believe that lie. You are not a freak!
Great post Rob…! I’m constantly having to remind myself that I am my own worst critic. It can be crippling at times and comfortable. It’s so much easier to lock yourself away in a room and hide (literally and figuratively). But, I found that you miss out on so much when your not willing to share as much of yourself as you’re willing to take from everyone else.
Thanks Scott! In college I convinced myself that I was messed up because only girls struggle with insecurity. Come to find out it’s not just a girl thing.
Rob! dude…oh wow…man nipples…lol…only you rob could pull this post off buddy!
I have huge boby insecurities!…i’m short and stumpy…and a little puddgie man!…my wife is smoken hot…and that sucks for my and my image! lol…
But at the end of the day…SHE LOVES ME (still sleeps with me!lol) and GOD Loves me as well…all is right with the world…
Arny, thank God for wives that love us even after they have seen us naked.
As a Career Counselor in the Army I speak with a lot of people daily. All ranks, and all types of settings. I have always been the funny guy, but I guess I get insecure if people will find my humor..well humorous sometimes.
I am sure there are tons of other insecurity trips I take through out the day, but right now that one comes to mind.
Joseph, the humor is one that I struggle with big time. If I can make someone laugh then I find acceptance in them. If I can’t make them laugh then I start to feel insecure.
Love this Post! We all have insecurities and deal with the same thoughts.
As you get older, (did I just admit to that!?!!!)you reach a point where it just doesn’t matter nearly as much what other people think or say anymore. As long as my life lines up with God’s word…then that’s all that’s important.
I think you’ve already got that last part well covered! : )
Thanks Amber!
When I have to talk in front of people. Like a group of 3 of more folks….I’m always insecure that I’m going to trip over my words. Eh!
Dustin, I could see you being really good at that. It’s funny what we become insecure about. I bet you kill it when you talk in front of people.
You can’t be THAT insecure if you can admit freely to the entire internet that you have big man nipples.
Faith, God is working on me. Some days I am not and other days I visit there. It’s easier for me to talk about then to show. You won’t find me showing a picture of myself shirtless.
I often have to battle thoughts of “Who am I to say anything?”, “Why would anyone care what I think or say?” and “Why would my opinions or thoughts matter?” This hits me at work, at home, in my community group…and sometimes responding to blog posts.
Randal, I’m glad that you responded to this one. You’ve got a lot of good stuff to say. Thanks!
Rob, the phrase, “Even if I was perfect, some body would crucify me” about knocked me out of my chair. I’ve never made that logical connection before. So good, so good.
Thanks Caleb. I believe God gave me that phrase. I want to write a book with that title someday.
If you do, I’ll write the forward. I have come back to that phrase several times in the last few days. I think it empowers leadership, it frees you up from thinking you should try to do it perfectly.
Excellent post, Rob.
I used to live full-time in Insecurity-ville, but I’ve since moved on.
I still the old place by the lake for summer vacations and midnight worryfests, but at least I don’t call it home anymore.
Property taxes and all, you know?
Ricky, oh I know all too well.
I’m incredibly insecure about my proclivity to blush. As a dude, it can be extremely “unmanly,” but when people point out that I’m blushing it only makes me redden even more. Such a vicious cycle of strawberry tones.
TMZ, thanks for sharing. I have a friend that does the same thing. She hates it as well.
Rob, I have to tell you one of the biggest reasons I love Water’s Edge Church is because how “real” our pastors are. Your honesty really helps affirm that you are human and have the same daily struggles as me. I LOVE MY CHURCH and so appreciate everything that you all do!!
Thanks Laura!
It would probably be easier to list things that I’m not insecure about, or at least it would be a shorter list. I’ve been insecure about so many things for the majority of my life. I probably wouldn’t know what to think if I wasn’t insecure.
Deanna, I hear ya. I think this is where the Bible can help. We program our minds and the Bible has the ability to transform it. Thank you for sharing. This topic is actually what I’m talking about this week at church.
I just saw this, but I’ll definitely check the service out online. I really miss being able to go to Water’s Edge, but living in Oregon really makes it impossible. I can’t wait until we can move back to VA.
One of my teeth is sort of a baby tooth. It never really grew like it was supposed to. When I smile, it looks like I am missing a tooth. So I usually grin without showing teeth. Silly? Yes–but that’s how I roll.
Matt, I don’t believe it. I want proof.
My junk in the trunk
Ryan, I can understand why. I kid, I kid.