I have 8 month old twins. They are awesome. They are also squiggly. When I am holding one of the twins they will often squiggle their way into a position that would lead to great regret. If I wasn’t holding them they would squiggle their way to a face plant on the floor.
Now when one of my twins gets in this position I always tell them to “think it through.” Sure they don’t understand me yet, but I say it anyway. It makes my wife laugh.
How nice would it be to have someone say to us “think it through” when we are on the verge of making a stupid decision?
One thing that has helped me escape multiple bad decisions is asking the right question. Here are some questions that help me think it through…
- Who is counting on me to not make this mistake? If you don’t have anyone who is counting on you then you are missing out on true Community. There have been multiple times where I resisted temptation because I knew a group of people were counting on me to not wreck my life.
- When I get caught will it be worth it? Eventually everybody gets caught. You may get away with it for years but eventually you will get caught. When you do you will say “that few minutes of pleasure was not worth it.”
- How did I feel last time I made this same decision? Remember the guilt and shame? It won’t be different this time.
- When my kids ask me about this will I want to lie? I don’t know if all kids are like this but I asked my parents questions. I had a friend in high school who got caught by the cops drunk at a party. His dad said that he couldn’t really discipline him because he had done the same thing in high school. His son knew that because he asked his dad questions. I want to be an example to my kids. If they ask about my behavior I want don’t want to feel the temptation to lie.
- What did Jesus say? “Gain a whole world and yet lose your soul.”
In the midst of temptation we often convince ourselves that a few minutes of pleasure will be worth it. It’s not.
What’s something that you always tell your kids? What’s something else that helps you in the midst of temptation?
I can’t remember much of what I told my girls. They are 36 & 32. I have slept since then. 🙂 However, one of the things I now ask myself is “who would be hurt by this?” “What affect will this have on my wife, my girls, the church, and my reputation?”
Great question Bill!
We’re open about talking through situations with our kids. They know about much of our past, but we have told them in a way to discourage some behavior. At the same time, they should feel and understand that we will love and accept them, but know that there are consequences.
Larry, how old are your kids? I know I’ve read it but I don’t remember.
I always tell my kids to remember the Indians. It helps me too. I love those kids
Ryan, that’s funny. What exactly are we remembering about the Indians?
Stop acting like your mom.
Michael, how do they and their mom respond to this?
I tell me daughter, “Remember who you are.” She has reached an age where her morals and sense of right and wrong are nearly fully developed. I have tried to teach her right from wrong, wise from foolish. In those moments when she is faced with a choice, a choice of staying on the path that I showed her, or going off down the road of trouble, I want her to remember herself and what she knows to be true.
Daniel, that’s great! I’ll have to remember that. How does she respond to it?
I have made it a “tradition” to have a sit down with her just before the new school year starts. I started about 5 years ago, talking to her about some pressures or issues that she might be faced with (age appropriate). She used to stare at the floor and say nothing. The last 2 years she has responded “I will”. But she is still young and mostly protected. I do not believe that she has faced anything really “big” yet (e.g. drugs, sex, stealing, …). Right now I think the biggest things for her that are relevant are to respect others even if she doesn’t like them or agree with them, stay away from gossip, watch how she talks (you be surprised the language middle school kids use), no lying, no cheating, etc. I know that things can change in a heartbeat, so I try to teach where I think I have opportunity or when she will be receptive.
I do believe I will have a certain 15 year old read this today! BTW I saved the letter I got explaining why he had detention. I told him I will be saving it to share with his children (not really – but thought it would make a point). Now your words will reinforce the point. 🙂
Beth, your son is a GREAT guy! He’ll learn from this and do better next time. I believe in him.
I thank God every day for how wonderful our kids our ~ such a gift. They make us proud every day ~ and even when they stumble (like we all do) – we know it is a teaching moment from Him.
I don’t have my own kids, but I have about 120 7th grade students that I call my kids. Whenever I feel the need to get on their case about grades, their work ethic, or their behavior, I always end it with, “You’re better than this.” “Tomorrow’s a brand new day” is another one of my favorites.
A good quote for temptation is one from Andy Stanley: “Giving up something now for something better later is not a sacrifice. It is an investment.” I find that one helpful.
TJ, I LOVE that quote from Andy. I hadn’t heard that before. Great stuff!
I always tell my kids, “I love you (no matter what)!”
Jon, LOVE IT!
Trenton gives me these looks that make me laugh out loud all the time. I typically ask him if what he is screaming about is that serious..lol. Apprently it is, cause he keeps screaming.
Here is the phrase I use. “THE RESOLUTION IS ON THE WALL”. I really enjoyed reading your self asked questions, espically the one about if you would have to lie to your kids. I repeat this phrase above when I am tempted to loose my temper, or in the face of temptation in general. It reminds me that as a Christ follower, Husband, Father, I have commited to a Resolution that by oath should prevent me from wanting to give into temptation. Does not mean I am not tempted by any means, but by saying this mentally, it reminds me that well…”THE RESOLUTION IS ON THE WALL”.
Joseph, nice! That’s a great reminder!
I always tell my kids- “Don’t date until you are married.”
(I have lots of kids from being a youth pastor in our old church back home before we moved to Minnesnowta.)
Joe, I love that and will be telling my kids that from now on.
I ma very open wiht my boys about my mistakes. I view my mistakes as things that make me uniquely qualified to discuss the ramifications of certain choices, actions, etc. Having suffered for making a boneheaded decision I can speak from authority about the consequences my kids will suffer should they repeat my mistakes.
That being said, I’ve tried to instill a few pearls in my boys:
“Your feelings are your feelings, and as such they are not wrong. It’s only how you respond to your feelings that can be wrong.”
and in various iterations over the years:
“I may not be proud of that decision, but I’m always proud of you. I may not believe you made a good choice, but I always believe in you. I may not like your behavior right now, but there is nothing on God’s earth that will make me stop loving you.”
Randal, that’s so true. How we respond to the feelings will define who we are in people’s minds.
Awesome words. I re-heally like the first reason, the one about community. It’s like when we’re living in that way, the way God made us to live in community, things make way more sense then if we go it alone like we so often do… sort of makes me think one temptation (to be a lone ranger Christian) leads to another (to give into sin because there’s no one to be accountable to).
Stephen, I think most Christians don’t get the most out of Christianity because they lack a true Biblical community.
Sorry that this is a bit late at night, but my free-time has been reduced to sleep and Saturdays so I gave up some sleep (who needs it anyways). I love your blog and I’m trying to make a point to read and comment everyday so that I can train myself for reading the bible daily (I’m a dumb kid who wants to do dumb kid things). I don’t have my own children of course, but I work with the 3-year-olds and they love me. What I most often tell them is “Your parents haven’t left you, they’re just right across the hall in “Big-people Church.”
As far as staying out of temptation, I remove excess free-time so that I don’t have time for temptation…school has been doing all too well of a job to help with that.
P.S. I think when I use the thing about “their parents haven’t really left them” I’m then going to relate it to how God has never truly left us, he is always there, even when we can’t see him.
P.P.S. I commented on your previous blog as well, I hadn’t gotten the chance the other day because it was my bro’s 18th B-day and as I said, I have little free-time.
There are lots of things to tell the kids but the only language they understand at this stage is love’s language.A language of gestures make them spoken.Is in it.
Think of blog posts as snapshots of your life or the world around you – the way you are feeling, your mood, what you are thinking, your fears and hopes etc. You want to communicate something about the person you are but indirectly – so write about something you like or hate – a song or book or movie or actor etc – tell us how this thing or person makes you feel – have fun!