I have noticed that a lot of people don’t know how to give complements. I don’t know if it is because we are afraid that the person receiving the compliment will get a big head, or maybe it’s because we haven’t received very many compliments ourselves. I think a lot of it is an unintentional thing that so many of us do. Whatever the reason I have heard a lot of back handed compliments lately. A back handed compliment is a compliment, but at the same time it is a negative statement or an uncompliment if you will. Here are some examples…
1. Great job speaking today. I don’t’ normally like it when you speak, but today was good.
2. Rob you were actually funny today.
3. I love ______ (fill in the blank) to death, but I can’t stand when they ______ (fill in the blank).
4. (after performing the New Kids on the Block song Hang’n Tough at church) Rob, you’re going to get made fun of a lot for that, but it was good…I liked it a lot.
5. Rob your one of the coolest guys I’ve ever met, but the first time I talked to you on the phone I thought you were gay.
Those are all real life examples of things said to me this past year. I write this not to call anyone out or to make anyone feel bad. I also don’t write this because I am looking for compliments in my life. Don’t get me wrong I do appreciate a good compliment, but honestly that is not what spurred on this blog. Read what Jesus had to say in Matthew 12:36-37. Our words matter and we should be careful about what we say and how we say it.
Instead of building someone up and then tearing them down, practice just building them up. Instead of seeing the negative in someone find something positive about a person. Train yourself to be intentional about saying positive things to people because your words matter. And if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t add a compliment to it.
Rob buddy, I can’t stand back handed compliments! and if i’ve thrown one your way it was def unintentional. so now that we’ve commented on that, kinda easy to get comments when you’re promoted by someone elses blog, and if you would please share the email that would be awesome!
mattkuchera.sampasite.com
So…. uh usually I hate this blog…. but this one actually made me think. I mean usually, Rob, you are pretty lame, but this makes you look pretty cool! Haha, I am kidding, I know exactly what you mean. It is similar to saying the, “I am sorry, BUT…” The “but” makes the sorry part a lie, haha!
Bethany…you’re funny! Thanks for the comment!
I don’t think you sound gay on the phone. Who said that. I’ll ninja kick them in the throat.
I absolutely love Bethany’s comment. One of my biggest pet peeves in life is when someone says “I’m sorry, but….” Also, I completely agree with your backhanded compliment comments.
– Nicole
Nicole, thanks for the comment.
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