Are you a critical person? I try not to be, but it is hard. I’m not critical of all things but there are somethings that I have a hard time not being critical about. Movies are one example. Another example is public speaking. Because I have spoke a lot and I listen to a lot of speakers I have to fight against criticising other speakers. I understand that I am not the perfect speaker, or a speaking guru, or someone who has a national platform to give advice to other speakers. I understand that, but at the same time I feel like I have learned some practical things that if applied could help out other speakers. Here is my dilemma…
Sometimes when I hear a speaker I want to offer some practical advice that I have learned along the way. I want to present it in a loving way, but I do want to give honest constructive criticism. The problem is that I know if someone who I didn’t know came up to me and gave me advice I would blow it off. What do I do though if I know that the advice that I can offer would help another speaker. Do I offer the advice and risk offending them or do I just let them continue doing what they are doing?
What you have to share is probably very valuable. Sometimes, the opportunity just isn’t right, even for constructive advice, but if there is an opening, surround your advice with a pound of sugar. No, I don’t mean insincere saccarine. Give the speaker some useful things you really liked and then use an “I” message to say, I just wish you had ____. You will know from there, if you can take it any further.
I say no. There are very few people who welcome unsolicited advice. Unless the advice will save them from significant embarassment or if, in conversation with the speaker, he or she hints that they would like feedback, just let it go.
I think you should give advice when it is asked of you. It takes a lot of guts to ask someone to critique you doing what you love and have a passion for, like public speaking. So, if they ask you, the hope is that they are ready and open to improving what they do. The best thing you can do for another speaker that you want to help, is to really shine the light on what they do well. That encouragement may allow them to ask what you would have done differently, but at the very least to be encouraged can do more good then unsolicited advice.
I like Heather’s comment.
I’m super critical. Especially of speakers (I keep it in my head unless my wife asks).
In my opinion, no Rob don’t do it. It doesn’t matter how poorly someones talk is, you just have to let it go. Constructive criticism is only constructive when someone is looking for it, expects to receive it or when a strong relationship is already present (even within a strong relationship it’s dicey).
The unknown critic is typically only seen as a jerk. Even the known critic is disliked for being critical. Stick to the compliments like Heather said. If they ask more, proceed with caution.
Great comments Heather, DP, and both the anonymous. This has helped me think through what I should do. Thanks for commenting.