I need some advice.
Sometime last year I was asked to perform a wedding ceremony in the spring of ’09. I looked at my calendar and checked with my wife and the date was totally free. Then over the Christmas break a good friend called. Monica and I have been friends with her for about 10 years. Monica went to college with her and I went to seminary with her. Our friend called with some great news. She is getting married. Monica is in the wedding and it is back in Texas. We haven’t been back to Texas since I graduated. We are amped about going back.
Do you see where this is going? Our friend is getting married on the same day of the wedding ceremony I’m performing. Monica wants me to tell the couple I’m marrying the story and see if they would mind someone else at Waters Edge marrying them. I feel awful doing that. If you were in my shoes what would you do?
I’ll be the advice you don’t want to hear…honor your commitments.
That being said, you could talk with the couple you are already booked with. Reassure them that you will do the ceremony. Tell them the story and ask if they would be willing to have someone else do the ceremony. If not, honor your commitment.
The solution is simple, just have get your twin brother to handle the gig. Of course if you are fraternal twins, this thinly veiled charade will fall to pieces and your reputation as an upstanding guy will diminish. That being said, Brian is right on.
I agree with Brain. If I was the first couple that had asked a while ago, it would be hard news to swallow that you weren’t going to perform the ceremony. Also, you’re doing this on behalf of WEC, and don’t want to make a decision that the couple may link somehow to people at WEC. Do you know what I mean? Ahhh, situations like this always suck, but I think the right decision is obvious.
I agree with Brain. If I was the first couple that had asked a while ago, it would be hard news to swallow that you weren’t going to perform the ceremony. Also, you’re doing this on behalf of WEC, and don’t want to make a decision that the couple may link somehow to people at WEC. Do you know what I mean? Ahhh, situations like this always suck, but I think the right decision is obvious.
I agree with you people, but this means I’m going to Texas alone without my babe for four days! I don’t function well without him. Rob, you are calling Susan with the news!!!
I agree with Brian. I would talk to the couple but honor your commitment to them if they don’t agree to someone else at WEC.
I’m not going to just bail on them. I was wondering more if I should even bring it up to them or not. Part of me doesn’t even want to bring it up because I don’t want to upset them. It puts them in a awkward position to respond to me.
I agree with you there, Rob.
Haha, this has generated a lot of discussion! Very nice Rob, this is like blog IM.
Haha, this has generated a lot of discussion! Very nice Rob, this is like blog IM.
Leah, it is like blog IM. Which is fun. I love creating discussion on the blog.
Rob, I agree with Brian. I think you should at least mention it to them. They might be really cool with you going with your wife. You never know until you ask. If you don’t you might miss out and/or wish you had. If they say they want you then hey, you get pics from both weddings and cool stories to swap later! Sorry you have to make this decision.
Wow. Well everyone has agreed. Keep us posted on what happens!
I know you are good friend with your friend but if neither of them can’t change the wedding, you performing at other wedding would be the right thing.
-eric-
weddings are over rated. bail on both of them and tell them both you have to do the other thing….then get a great bunch of movies and stay home and watch them all until you are in a coma….maybe add some ovaltine to the mix, and some of those old luden cherry flavored cough drops, some yogurt covered pretzels, and listen to willie nelson on your ipod while you watch the movies….periodically text the grooms at both weddings during the whole thing…take pictures of yourself and post them on your facebook account with a time stamp on them….and take periodic breaks to learn to juggle and do that paddle ball thing.
there…that should settle it.
wow….. now (that) is a predicament. i’ll haveta agree with the general consensus, stick to your commitments. bring up the issue if you feel like it would be taken in an understanding light…… or avoid that altogether and never mention it to the couple. your call?
It would be selfish of you to mention it to the couple. You are saying you can’t make the decision and you want them to. Just do what you originally said.
Lanny, you are a wise man! And you make me laugh out loud.
Anonymous number 2…great comment, but don’t be afraid to leave your name. I hate anonymous comments without a name.
You call these friends, Rob? This is a simple matter. Go with your heart. And your heart says that you want to go to Texas to hang out with arguably the greatest. Ever. What I would do it this: I would act like you forgot. Answer any questions they may have up until the day of the wedding. Then the day of, enjoy life with your friends and your wife in Texas. If the couple in VA calls you, answer any questions they may have. “Where are you?” “I am in Texas. Where are you?” “We are at the church! What are you doing in Texas?!” “I am at a wedding.” “You said you would do our wedding!” Pause. A few moments of silence may make them think that maybe they made a mistake- and then continue. “Oh gosh. This is embarrassing. Sorry . . . uh . . . I forgot. I won’t charge you guys anything . . . Are you in Texas?” “No! We are in Virginia, you jerk!” “Are you locked in to that church? Did you sign a contract? Can you get out of it?” “No! Are you serious?!?!” And this is where you would say “yes” very seriously without letting them in on the fact that you are not. And then you can say something like, “Hey, let’s talk about it when we get back into town. What are you doing Tuesday for lunch?” Then they will hang up.
I think it’s simple. And if you make it out to Texas- I will give you candy.
-Anonymous
“Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, ALL the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun- all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life.” – the words of the Teacher, Solomon, of the Holy Bible.
Go with obedience, Rob. Obedience.
What everyone else should know about Kyle is that me and Rob were planning on staying with him, his wife, and new baby while in Texas. It made me laugh a lot. Maybe the Walkers will still let me stay even if I’m not with Rob??
Absolutely the Walkers will let Mon stay with us. Abso freakin lutely.
I think you should at least tell the couple from WEC what happened and leave it up to them. Give them their options. Maybe they won’t be as upset as one might think. I’m sure Stu does a mean wedding.
OK (1) I've been a pastor longer than anyone here, 27 yrs, (2) I'm from Australia & (3) I'm seem to be coming into this late so these things make me an authority 😉
Ask the couple you made the commitment too for an out. It's a commitment not a covenant for goodness sake. Life is full of negotiation, so go negotiate for the best outcome … which is being with your wife!
PS Do the folks you marrying read your blog?!?!?!
PSS Is this a trick question?!?!?
I already know the answer you chose, so it’s too late for this to be advice, but here’s what I’d do anyway.
Absolutely ask them or just arrange for another WEC staffer to do it. Since you haven’t done pre-marriage counceling with them yet and don’t have a close relationship with them, it’s ok for you to have to get one of your fellow WEC pastors to do it.
It should be treated as any other professional commitment would be, honored so long as it’s convenient. Do you think your doctor would have a problem with having another doctor sub in if he had an out of state wedding? You’re a professional, appointments can be altered (it’s not always good business, but it happens)… Since you haven’t started with them, it’s absolutely ok to ask them AND I happen to think if you can arrange with a co-worker to do it, it would be better to pre-arrange and then tell-ask them and not even necessarily ask.
If the couple had a close personal relationship with you or specifically chose you to do their ceremony the answer could be different. Many of these people may not realize that a lot of people don’t necessarrily know their officiant for their wedding.
Well you got some comments that is for sure…..but I think I might be the only bridezilla to be on the page!
Disclaimer:
1.I am a business person (well kind of)
2.I would say I have a stranger calm about the disapearing pastor because the majority of our groomsmen and our guest list could perform our ceremony. (but if Stu doesn’t show he will be getting a letter from my attorney)
What does your contract say? What would happen if you got explosive Diarrhea on their wedding day, wouldn’t someone else do their wedding.
1.It is 2009, people don’t have long engagements and you have to expect change, just make sure ample time is allowed to make the change.
2.Did they ask you because you are Rob or because you are Rob of WEC ?
3. If worst comes to worst sell your plasma t.v. and pay them off (whichever wedding is cheaper)
OK Rob what happened??