Treat Yo Self.

Jesus said “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.” Matthew 7:12 (NIV).

So in the blog world it’s really tempting to self promote. We want people to read. It’s really hard to get people’s attention because the world wide web is a traffic jam of information. So how do we respond? We bombard you with Twitter/Facebook messages, beg you to leave comments, and freak out when our stats don’t climb.

I Hulk Hogan with this. In other words I wrestle with the tension. I really want you to read my posts, but I also don’t want to be all about…me.

What if every time we self promoted ourselves we also gave a shout out to someone else? For example…

If you like my blog then you will love Matt Cannon’s blog, The Seeking Pastor. If you love the Bible and want to see it from a different angle then you will love Michael Perkins blog, The Handwritten. If you love to laugh then you will send me Chipotle gift cards for introducing you to The Good Greatsby! What do these blogs have in common? They all start with The and I love them.

Oh you want more? How about some up and comers that are starting to dominate the blog world? How about a pastor who loves Chipotle and rides his bike like he’s Lance Armstrong – Cycleguy’s Spin. How about a site called the isle of man? Or how about a little bit of Deuceology.  Still want more? Make sure you check out Return to Zero, and The Beardedidealist. I could keep going, but I’m going to let you link the rest.

Now it’s your turn. Treat Yo Self and Treat someone else. What is a blog post or Tweet/Facebook post that you are really proud of? And what is your favorite blog post that someone else wrote?

It’s January 18 and that means that the vast majority of you reading this have fled from your New Year’s resolutions like it was Godzilla and you were a Japanese tourist. It’s hard to change. It’s hard to stick to a goal. It’s hard to break bad habits.

That’s the idea behind the following video. We showed it at Waters Edge to open our series entitled Upgrade. Most of us would love to upgrade an aspect of our life but it’s just too hard. It’s too hard until now…

The video was written by Phil Poteat and Rob Shepherd. It was filmed by Dillon Tulip and edited by Phil Poteat.

What is something you would instantly upgrade if you had Upgrade Vaporub?

But wait…there’s more.

For week two of the series we sent out two of our staff members for potentially the funniest video we’ve ever made. The idea is that everyone wants an upgrade but very few people get one. Until now.

Did this video make you laugh?

I think God gave us women so that we could understand Him better. All the women said Amen. All the men said oh me. Where is this going? Great question.

God doesn’t change…right? At least that’s what the Bible says. God doesn’t change but yet the more we get to know Him the more things we discover. It’s almost as if He’s forever changing because He’s so complex. Like a woman.

I now take this moment to make sure that God knows my heart on this subject.

Uhh God. When I say you are like a woman I mean that in a really honoring way. It’s way different then when some guy tells me he’s cold and I tell him to zip up his man suit and stop being a woman. I promise I have a point and it’s supposed to be a good one.

I now return you to your regularly scheduled blog post.

I will never be able to figure out my wife. She’s a woman. I remember when we first started dating we would always order a cheese pizza. We both loved it! In our first year of marriage I ordered pizza one night and my wife says, “why do you always order cheese? Can’t we get some toppings on our pizza?” As the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles say, “What the Shell?” I was shell shocked. I was floored. I didn’t know that my wife liked other toppings so there was never a reason to order them. In fact I said, “who are you and what have you done with my wife?”

Now compare a woman to a man. Most men are simple minded creatures. We like food, sex, fart jokes, and to be entertained. Most men don’t change a whole lot. I’m not saying that we can’t change. I’m just saying that we don’t. I still like cheese pizza.

Now with my wife either she changed on me or she just showed me a different side to her personality.

The Bible says, “Those who think they know something do not yet know as they ought to know. But whoever loves God is known by God.” 1 Corinthians 8:2-3.

Did you catch that verse? Those who think they know do not know!

Have you ever been around someone who had God figured out? Whether it’s Calvinists (those that believe that everything is predestined by God) or those who preach free will both sides claim to have God figured out. The problem with thinking that you have God figured out is that He’s more complex than a woman.

The religious leaders in Jesus’ day thought they had God figured out. So much so that they actually thought they were honoring God by killing His son Jesus. The early church thought they had God figured out and they thought that Christianity was only for Jews.  Now I don’t think that God changed. I think that He revealed another side of Himself. Like a woman.

I don’t ever want to think that I’ve got God figured out. He’s God. If I could figure Him out He wouldn’t be all that powerful. Now even though I don’t think I will ever figure Him out I love getting to know Him more. When we love God we are known by God.  Boom sauce.

It’s a lot like my wife. She’s complex. I love getting to know her and learning new things about her personality. As for me. I’m a guy so she knows everything about me. Like I said, I think God gave men women so that we could understand Him better.

Agree or disagree with my thoughts today?

Start up your Delorean, set the date to January 16, 2011, and charge up the 1.21 gigawatts. We are going back in time to one year ago today.

So here is the scene: my wife and I are at our six month ultrasound appointment. We waited six years to get pregnant. Three years earlier we had gone through a miscarriage after the doctors had told us that we couldn’t get pregnant. We knew it was possible with God to get pregnant again. We just didn’t know when. Now that we were pregnant we approached every doctor appointment with caution. We were scared that at any point the doctor would tell us that we had lost our twins.

We had pictures to prove that we were having twin boys. At the six month appointment the ultrasound tech leads with…

Ultrasound Tech: “For a second there I thought there were three babies in there.”

Rob and Monica: Nervous laughter because we thought she was joking.

Ultrasound Tech: “You aren’t having three are you?”

Monica: “No. We did IVF and they implanted two in there. If one of them split they’d be in the same sack right?

Ultrasound Tech: “Oh if you did IVF then there are only two in there.”

Rob: Trying not to pass out.

Ultrasound Tech: (Not a direct quote because I was in shock thinking about three babies) “Oh there they are. I found your baby girl.”

Monica: Uncontrollable laughter

Rob: Silence due to shock.

Monica’s mom: “You are kidding right? You’ve got to be kidding. You’re joking aren’t you?”

Ultrasound Tech: “I’m not joking.”

Monica’s mom: “You are joking. I think you are joking.”

Ultrasound Tech: “No that’s clearly a girl. I haven’t made a mistake in 14 years.”

Rob: “EXCEPT FOR THE ONE WHERE YOU TOLD US WE WERE HAVING TWO BOYS” (that was my thought and it did not come out of my mouth)!

Monica: Still laughing uncontrollably.

Ultrasound Tech: “Ma’am, I’m going to need you to stop laughing. I can’t get a good look with your stomach shaking so much.

Monica: “You are going to have to give me a minute.”

Monica’s mom: (Jumping up and down over and over again) “That’s what I prayed for. Prayer really does work. I’ve been praying that the penis would fall off.”

Monica: Laughing uncontrollably.

Rob: Silence. Shock. Amazed that Monica’s mom said she prayed for our son’s dinger to fall off.

All of that was one year ago today. We went from expecting Reese to be a boy to finding out that she is a girl. We are so thankful that Reese and Hayden were born healthy…and we are especially thankful that Reese’s you know what fell off. And no I don’t think it really fell off. I’m just trying to be funny.

What’s the most surprising news that you have ever received?

As a middle school student I started reading the Bible for myself. It was awesome and difficult. What was difficult was that I would read verses that I didn’t understand. Verses like…

“If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple.” Luke 14:26.

Guess who said that? If you said the Devil, Judas, or Delilah you are incorrect. The correct answer is Jesus. Do what?!

Something has happened recently that has shed some light on this tough verse. Stay with me on this.

I’ve loved every second of being a dad. When my twins were first born I didn’t know better. I didn’t know that it got easier. I didn’t know that it got way more fun the older they got. I was trying to get used to waking up all through the night, getting peed on every other time I changed my son’s diaper, and wearing multiple outfits because I’d been baby vomited on. That was my life, so I loved it.

The other day for a hot second my wife pondered if she was pregnant. She said this out loud to me. I panicked. She tested.  WE’RE NOT PREGNANT! Whew!

Before a peed on stick could tell us our outcome hemorrhoids developed in my nether regions, hairs went instantly gray, I sweated Tonka Trucks, and instantly felt diarrpation.  Diarrpation is instant diarrhea and constipation at the exact same time. This panic led me to tell my wife that this potential new kid would instantly be sold on Craigslist. He or she would have made another parent very happy.

Now if I loved my time with my kids so much why did I panic so? It’s because compared to how much I love my kids in this stage of their life I hated waking up all through the night, getting peed on, and having demon-esk baby puke destroy my clothes. I loved my kids then. I love my kids now. But compared to how much I love this stage of my kids life it is as if I hated my time with them when they were first born. Make sense?

I don’t think that Jesus literally meant that we should hate our parents. That doesn’t make sense when put in context with His other teachings on love.

Jesus was serious about following Him. He is serious about putting God first.

When you look at your life does it scream that YOU PUT JESUS FIRST? Or does your life seem to scream ME ME ME.

The point of Jesus’ message was not to actually hate yourself or your parents. It was to love God with all your heart and put him first. Compared to how you love Jesus it’s as if you hate your own life.

At least that’s what I hope it means.

Have you ever heard this verse explained? What is something that you love so much it’s as if you hate something else?

Each month my wife and I go on an adventure to capture our kids growth at a little zoo called Picture People. Now this will be our ninth trip with the twins and I’ve recently been hearing that other parents aren’t as dedicated to capturing their kids images. My wife is a big fan and we always go to eat Chipotle when we go so I’m a cup supporter.

Now what you need to know is that we have this down to a science. We set up an appointment. We take them after their morning nap and yum yums (yum yums = what I call their food). We do all this to ensure some happy babies.

Most of the time when we go to this zoo our kids eat it up. They smile and laugh and we end up with great pictures. This trip was the complete opposite of that. Our twins had their nine month shots the day before and my theory is that the shots threw them off their game. They were tired and cranky.

Monica and I worked really hard to get these pictures. We sang songs, we clapped, we jingled keys, and we made fart noises. All of those things typically capture our kids attention…but not on this day. We worked so hard we both were drenched in sweat. I jogged 5 miles that morning and I sweated harder at Picture People than I did during my run. It was exhausting.

None the less we ended up with some good pictures.  When my wife framed the pictures I noticed how great they turned out. I then immediately responded by saying, “these pictures are lies.” They really don’t reflect what the afternoon was really like.

One last thing before I show you the pictures. The mall has really interesting people in it and the twins give them confidence to talk to us. I like people so I don’t mind…most of the time. One lady came up to Monica and me and asked about our daughter’s placenta. DO WHAT?! She said she used to be a nurse, but that was a pretty weird thing to ask strangers. Got to love the Mall.

So without further adieu I now present to you our twins 9 month lies pictures.

I might be the stupidest guy around.

I hate running with a fiery passion. I don’t think people should run unless someone is chasing them. And I don’t think that people should train to run unless they know in advance that someone is going to chase them.

Running is stupid. It’s like requesting to get hemorrhoids. It just doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t make sense and yet I am training for a half marathon. DO WHAT!? I might be stupid for putting myself through 13.1 miles of pure insanity.

So if it’s stupid then why am I doing it?

Because I set a goal. I haven’t been jogging. I was doing great but then I hurt my Achilles. Then I got out of the habit of jogging and nothing could get me out there. Until I decided to run a half marathon.

I bought new shoes and that day went out and jogged. I’ve run three times in my new shoes and that’s 100% more than what I’ve run in the last month. This one goal has given new life to my jogs. It’s given me a purpose.

Now here is what’s even more stupid than a overweight guy, who hates jogging, training for a half marathon; running with no purpose. Running just to run is as pointless as the state of Delaware. No offense Delaware but I drove through you once. If I was King of one of the surrounding states I’d occupy you. I’d make you become one with my state because on your own you are just pointless. I kid, I kid. Not really. Just trying to cover my but in case any Delaware-onians read my blog.

The Bible says, “Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air.  No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.” 1 Corinthians 9:26-27 (NIV).

You want to know what else is stupid? Spiritual disciplines without a goal. It’s stupid to do things like read the Bible, pray, fast, and go to church if they are empty rituals. That’s running aimlessly…in my opinion.

The purpose with doing spiritual disciplines is to get to know Jesus. Mindless religion that doesn’t lead to Jesus is a waste of time. I think a lot of times we do the discipline as if to say “God look at me.”  As if to say that our goodness is enough to get God’s attention.

We don’t do spiritual disciplines to make God love us more. God already loves us infinity. That’s the ultimate amount of love when you are playing the one up game of “I love you more.” You see spiritual disciplines don’t change God’s perspective of us. They change our perspective of Him.

Let me throw that down one more time…

Spiritual disciplines don’t change God’s perspective of us. They change our perspective of Him.

Running aimlessly is stupid. Running with a purpose leads to something. I don’t want to read the Bible to make myself feel better. I don’t want to do spiritual disciplines so that God will bless me. I don’t want to do spiritual disciplines so that I can make up for the bad stuff that I do. I don’t want to just check off prayer and reading my Bible.  I want to encounter God. Spiritual disciplines are simply to help us fall in love with Jesus.

Maybe if you have no desire to do spiritual disciplines, or if you are simply going through the motions then it’s time to set a new goal. Pray until God shows up. Read the Bible until God speaks to you. Don’t settle for simply doing it. That’s aimless and leads to nothing.

Do you love or loathe running? What spiritual disciplines do you struggle with the most?

As a fairly new dad I have been engulfed in introducing my kids to some classic kid’s stuff. You know, songs, books, and other crap stuff. So as a kid I never questioned kid’s products. I just went with it.

As an adult I question almost everything. I think it drives people crazy. It used to drive me crazy until I heard a talk by Andy Stanley (author, pastor, and amazing) on challenging the process. According to Andy, leaders challenge the process. They challenge things that have always been accepted in order to make them better. He even said something about leaders need to appreciate people who challenge the process. Boom sauce.

In light of my incredibly annoying gifted ability to challenge the process I’ve found a plethora of children’s classics that I just can’t support. These things need to be thrown out and replaced by something pronto. Pronto is not a name for an Indian. I do, however, think it does mean really fast in the Native Indian dialect.  I digress and I can’t support the following…

• Three Men In A Tub. Rub a dub don’t. I don’t have a fat clue why the butcher, the baker, and the candlestick maker are in a bath tub together but when it comes to reading that rubbish to my kids…I just can’t support that.
• 5 Little Monkey’s Jumping On The Bed. Okay one fell off and bumped his head. Accidents happen. But there is a severe discipline problem going on in this home. The doctor tells the mama this five times and yet all five kids get hurt the same way. I read that book the other day and I was ready to call Social Services on that mama.  A story with no discipline means that I just can’t support that.
• Knick-Knack-Patty-Wack. Okay who is this old man, what is a knick knack patty wack, and why is he doing it all over everything? For all I know knick knack patty wack could be a disease that he’s spreading all over my thumb, door, and hive. Not to mention why the heck is he rolling home? Sounds drunk to me. That guy’s not getting anywhere near my kids. I just can’t support that.
• Three Blind Mice. They all ran after the farmer’s wife and she responded by grabbing a knife and cutting off their tails. What is this a kid’s horror movie? I just can’t support that.
• Mary Had A Little Lamb. Have you ever listened to the lyrics of this song? The lamb follows her to school and the lyrics say that’s against the rules. I want the next verse to be “Mary got detention and her lamb became chops. Lesson learned kids. Follow the rules.” Mary and her lamb promote rebellion and I just can’t support that.
• Pop Goes The Weasel. In today’s society if you pop someone it means you gave them the kill shot…gansta style. So I hear this song and I think the Monkey capped the weasel. Unnecessary violence = another, I just can’t support that.
• Rock A Bye, Baby. Okay is this a depressing country song or what? The baby should have never been in the tree tops but I don’t want to think about it falling all the way down. Depressing kids songs mean that I just can’t support that.

So that’s my list of Children’s classics that I just can’t support. What’d I miss? What are some other Children’s classics that we shouldn’t support?

The Bible says, “Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels.” The following is not a stupid argument.

In life there are some important debates that most humans have to wrestle with. What is the greatest movie of all time, who are the three people that you would take with you on a deserted island, and what super power would you choose? Now I know the answers to all of those questions.

Fact: Raiders of the Lost Ark is the greatest movie of all time. Followed closely by The Dark Knight and Die Hard.

Fact: On a deserted island you should only chose 1. Chuck Norris. 2. The Honey Badger. 3. Bear Grylls. Now some would say, “what about my spouse or friends? Wrong question. If you want to get off that deserted island quickly you should only choose people who can accomplish that.

Fact: The best super power is the ability to steal other people’s powers. If no one else has super powers the greatest super power is super speed. Why? Flight doesn’t really help you in your day to day life. Sure it’s cool but without super strength you aren’t taking people up there with you. Flying would get lonely and it would hurt if you fell. Invisibility sounds cool, but it’s not worth the temptation. Invisible ends up getting Christians in trouble. You would be tempted to go where you shouldn’t go because you could never get caught. With super speed you get a super metabolism so you can eat whatever you want. You also could do things that you hate to do at a super speed.

That leads to another important debate. What is the greatest french fry of all time? Now it’s important to have nothing to do with stupid arguments, so when I posed this question I also posed a solution. The Great Fry Debate was born. 7 people. 6 Fast Food Restaurants.5 Categories to find the best.

So who was in this competition? McDonald’s, Wendy’s, Hardee’s, Arby’s, Burger King, and Sonic or Sonics as the old people like to say.

Now here’s what you need to know. We could not talk about the fries at each stop. We ordered a small fry and each judge ate two fries each. After we ate the fries we scored them on a scale of 1 to 4.You also need to know that there was a great debate before we got started…

Some felt very passionate that Arby’s curly fries should not count because they are seasoned. I felt passionately that they should count. They are a fry. They shouldn’t be penalized for their greatness. What are your thoughts?

You also should know that Chick-fil-A was closed because it was a Sunday. They aren’t open on Sundays to honor God…so without a doubt they are the real winner! You can’t beat God’s fries, so it’s not a fair competition.

The winner of the Great Fry Debate was…

Hold your horses. Let me first tell you how everything panned out.

Arby’s curly fry was voted the best tasting fry, but it was disqualified because of seasoning. Once that debate was settled the scoring went something like this…

The maximum score that each place could receive is a 20…

6. Sonic had an overall score of 8.
5. Arby’s regular fry had an overall score of 11.
4. Wendy’s had an overall score of 12.86.
3. Hardee’s scored an overall score of 13.43.
2. McDonald’s scored an overall score of 16.71.
1. And with an overall score of 17.29 the winner is…

Not pictured is Monica. She took the pic.

We wanted to take a picture with the fry maker at Burger King, but we had a sitter for the twins and had to get back. Thus, we are standing outside of the place with the world’s greatest french fry. We were tempted to run into Burger King and scream like Will Ferrell in Elf, “YOU DID IT! Congratulations! World’s Best French Fry.”

Now, when it was all said and done the french fry that I voted the best was McDonald’s. It was piping hot, perfectly salted, and yet it didn’t win over all. Do what? I know right.

The only unanimous vote was that Sonic produced the absolute worse french fry. It tasted like fried crunchy grease without salt. It was gag nasty.

The fastest time and the cheapest fry was Wendy’s. It took Wendy’s 1 minute and 17 seconds to deliver our fries.

Arby’s had the slowest time at 6 minutes and 35 seconds. Arby’s took so long because the guy that took our order left to take out the trash. We declared that at the trash can there must of been a vortex that led straight to Hell. The Arby’s guy went out to the trash to get our french fries. Their french fries were so hot that I’m pretty sure my fingers got a third degree burn from touching them.

Also to be noted is that Arby’s took so long that our driver decided he was going to show love instead of frustration. Finally after 6 minutes and 35 seconds a female Arby’s employee gave us our fries. Brian, our driver, declared “I love you.” The Arby’s employee didn’t flinch. She didn’t even acknowledge it. Thus just another reason that Chick-fil-A is ultimately superior.

So what is your favorite french fry? Do you go with the fact or are you a rebel when it comes to fries? Also don’t forget about the curly fry debate. Should Arby’s curly fries be included in the Great Fry Debate?