Crowded Loneliness

Deep relationships do not happen on accident. They don’t happen because you are family, or because you see someone somewhat often. You can see someone every day and still have a shallow relationship.

I love the quote from the book Keep Your Love On, “A healthy, lasting relationship can only be built between two people who chose one another and take full responsibility for that choice.”

We were created to live in community but our addiction to busyness has created crowded isolation. That is, we are surrounded by people but relationally starving. Our addiction to being busy has caused us to prioritize to do lists instead of relationships. We are constantly rushing from one thing to the next in order to feel productive, busy, or like we have a purpose.

We all have to do lists and things that have to get done, but the priority has to people. I don’t want to be so busy I miss having connections with my kids. I don’t want to be so busy I miss the opportunity to truly see how someone is doing.

To change this we must become the type of friend, spouse, parent, co-worker, neighbor we wish to have. If we want deep friendships we must work hard at prioritizing them.

If we don’t push through our shallow interactions we will never get to the desperate need for connectivity met. It comes when you text intentionally and consistently. It comes when you make it a priority to hang out. It comes when call. It comes when you share your needs, and feelings with someone, and then allow them the safety of sharing theirs with you.

It comes when you choose someone else and take full responsibility of that choice. The responsibility comes with knowing that a deep relationship is a flawed relationship. It’s messy. It’s imperfect. It’s when you walk through the darkness together. It is when you allow someone to be themselves because they know you aren’t going to leave. It’s when you accept the things you can’t change about the other person and help them work on the things they can change. It’s when you forgive. It’s when you apologize.

You and I were created for more than Netflix and chill. We were created for more than basic conversations about the weather. We were created for more than arguing with people we barely know but are Facebook friends with. We are created for community. But in order to get there you must be intentional.

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Rob Shepherd

I am the full-time husband of a wonderful woman! I love being married! We are proud parents to twins, Hayden and Reese. In my spare time I am the pastor of Next Level Church. I have a relationship with God and it is an adventure. Oh and I wrote a book. It's called Even If You Were Perfect Someone Would Crucify You.


  1. Shay
    January 12, 2017

    That preaches! It’s not always easy to do, but it definitely preaches! 🙂

    • January 12, 2017

      Shay, it is not easy to do. Relationships are such hard work, but worth it.

  2. January 12, 2017

    Well said. I know I myself love my little to do lists, and sometimes I forget that when they are interrupted by real life people, that isn’t a bad thing, that’s a chance to be a little more human.

    Funny enough, halfway through writing this response my phone rang to interrupt me. 😛

    • January 12, 2017

      That struggle is so real. I’m constantly bombarded and so much of it is my own doing. Thanks for the comment.

  3. Karen
    January 12, 2017

    Great blog. Nice timing. God is so good.


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