A Q & A In Time For V-Day: A Guest Post by Amanda Bast and Joseph Craven

I’m busy trying not to fail at planting a church. I asked some internet friends of mine if they’d guest post for me this week. For day two we are blessed to have Amanda Bast.

Amanda is Canadian. Her favorite food may or may not be Canadian Bacon. She likes wearing fake mustaches and she’s wicked awesome. Be warned, she is from a foreign land so it may be difficult to understand her writing accent. Enjoy.

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When Rob asked me to write a post for him for Valentine’s Day, I knew he was really asking for my expert relationship advice, but was too shy to come out and say it. I know that I have a gift that needs to be freely given, and I will live up to that responsibility. However, I am only one woman. I need a man’s opinion to truly make this advice respectable and unbiased. Naturally, I asked my Internet Worst Enemy THE Joseph Craven of The Greatest Blog of All Time to assist me in spreading wisdom across the Internet. Between the two of us, you’ve got yourself some stellar insight. When people heard of our quest, the response was overwhelming. So overwhelming, in fact, that we don’t have space to answer all of your questions today, but will surely answer them on one of our sites in the near future.

Q & A with J & A
Solving the quandaries of life and love

If side hugs are for friends, then are front hugs necessarily flirtatious?D.A. Broughton

J: Side hugs are the handshake of the friendship world. Front hugs are the SECRET handshake. They don’t mean to be flirty. They just mean to be more awesome and special.

A: I once read an article in a Christian magazine that said that front hugs are inappropriate before marriage. Their suggestion for a replacement? Make him homemade granola. I’ve remembered that for all these years because it’s absolutely ridiculous. Front hugs are for friends. However. I did know a guy once whose front hugs were a little too friendly and he got dubbed “Greg McLinger”. Watch out for that. Front hugs are cool. Just don’t linger.

Are double weddings ever appropriate, especially if both the grooms are rednecks from southern states?Heather Summers

A: No. No woman wants to share their wedding day with another woman and her man. Back off, get your own sandwich. I mean wedding.

J: Sure! It’s cheaper that way. Your parents will LOVE you for it.

Is a mini golf gift certificate an appropriate anniversary gift? Or is that too risqué, considering the game’s reputation?Jared Hollier

A: First of all, I didn’t know mini golf had a risqué reputation. What is risqué about mini golf? The balls? The clubs? The holes? I mean, I can see the double entendre happening here, but in terms of being risqué? I’m not so sure. Wait, what was your question? Oh. Anniversary gift, eh? Depends what kind of anniversary. If it was the anniversary of when you went on your first date and you happened to go mini golfing, then sure. Go mini golfing. If it’s your wedding anniversary, it’s probably not a good idea. Nothing says “I promise to love you forever” like a game of putt putt. No. See, that’s not right at all. No mini golf. And a gift certificate implies you wouldn’t even take her yourself. Is she going to go with all of her lady friends? That’s weird, man. No mini golf. It’s not risqué. At least I don’t think it is. I’m just really confused right now. Buy her some flowers.

J: We all know why you would want to go mini-golfing: to defeat your wife in a competitive event. And that’s awesome. But word to the wise: mini-golf is a harsh, harsh mistress. You will NEVER know when she suddenly stops messing around and starts sinking that stupid windmill shot with her eyes closed. So for the sake of your pride, don’t risk it.

When is it acceptable to burp/fart in a gentleman caller’s presence?Jessica Buttram

A: It’s not. Ever. At least that’s what my mother tells me. I however, do think that in certain situations it is completely acceptable (nay, encouraged) to burp in front of a gentleman caller in order to prove a point. The point being, “I can out-burp you even if you don’t believe it because I’m dainty and ladylike all of the time”. Sometimes it’s necessary.

J: Nah. It’s not. But it’s not going to stop us, right?

Have I already met my future husband?Jamie Golden

A: You know, I think about this kind of thing often. When I see a stranger on the street I think, “Hmm. I wonder if I’ve ever seen that person before and just didn’t realize it.” And then that gets me thinking about how many people in the world have thought that same thought. And then that gets me thinking about how many people are thinking that same thought at that same exact moment. And then my head usually hurts and I have to lay down for a bit. Stop asking hard questions.

J: Just wait. In no time at all, he’s going to jump out and yell, “SURPRISE!”

What is the key to communication between men and women?J.T. Adamson

A: Probably Twitter.

J: Faking interest. Also, Twitter.

What do you do when you’re holding hands with the girl you like and at the same time she’s holding another guy’s hand?Stanton Martin

J: Well, I guess you finish your little game of Ring Around The Rosie or whatever.

A: Call up Jerry Springer and book an appearance. If he’s booked, try Maury.

If a girl says she wants to date you and then makes out with your roommate over spring break, does she really like you? – Stanton Martin

A: Not at all.

J: Yep. She just missed you, and he was the next best thing.

What does it really mean when a girl who has cheated on you dumps you because “you’re not a mature enough Christian?” – Stanton Martin

J: It means you’ve got some great blogging material.

A: I’m going to have to agree with Joseph on this one.

Okay…do you prefer boxers or briefs? Facial hair or no facial hair? Sensitive or confident?Joy Cannis

J: In a woman? Umm….none of the above?

A: Both. YES. Both.

When is it appropriate to be inappropriate?Burrill Strong

J: I guess if you go to some inappropriate couples retreat or something. Or maybe a conference on it. But places it is NOT cool? Public swimming pools, for starters. The produce section of the grocery store. Cubicles, generally.

A: Never. Not even in the privacy of your own home. You should always be appropriate, fully clothed and never sitting in close proximity to one another. Ever. I’m pretty sure that’s Biblical. Ask Rob. He’s a pastor.

What other questions about love do you have for Amanda and Joseph?

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Rob Shepherd

I am the full-time husband of a wonderful woman! I love being married! We are proud parents to twins, Hayden and Reese. In my spare time I am the pastor of Next Level Church. I have a relationship with God and it is an adventure. Oh and I wrote a book. It's called Even If You Were Perfect Someone Would Crucify You.

40 Comments

  1. February 14, 2012

    I loved it.

    Reply
  2. February 14, 2012

    Wow, there is so much I didn’t know. I am so glad that I started my day here. I will come back and read this several more times today just to be sure that it sticks. Then I should be ready for that perfect relationship.

    Reply
    • February 14, 2012

      If you aren’t married by the end of the day, then I have failed you.

      Reply
  3. February 14, 2012

    I don’t get it.

    Reply
    • February 14, 2012

      I’ll explain it later.

      Reply
  4. February 14, 2012

    Q: When a couple finds themselves in a long distance internet worst enemy relationship, is it possible to be too adorable?

    Reply
    • February 14, 2012

      Yes. Thankfully, the examples I know of haven’t reached that point.

      Reply
    • February 14, 2012

      I don’t understand what you could be referencing here.

      Reply
  5. Nicole Blankenship
    February 14, 2012

    About the double wedding, I think it would be so cool if it was like a mother/daughter marrying a father/son. The mother and daughter could give each other away…to the father and son. No one is “losing” anybody only gaining more family, I can’t think of a better scenario!

    Reply
  6. February 14, 2012

    Being today is Valentine’s Day, should I get my wife a present?

    Reply
    • February 14, 2012

      Just quote the philosopher Kanye West to her: “My presence is a present” but don’t finish the quote.

      Reply
  7. February 14, 2012

    Best ever.

    Also, Stanton Martin has a lot of questions.

    Reply
    • February 14, 2012

      I think he honestly asked about 12 more we didn’t feature.

      Reply
      • February 14, 2012

        We definitely had many more questions from Stanton.

        Reply
    • Stanton
      February 18, 2012

      Look. Things haven’t been easy.

      Reply
  8. February 14, 2012

    Also, I would like to respectfully disagree. It is DEFINITELY appropriate to fart in the middle of having the Marriage Talk. Otherwise, I might never have snagged my husband.

    Reply
    • February 14, 2012

      To each their own. But let it be known I was never really opposed to it in my answer.

      Reply
  9. February 14, 2012

    I would like a refund. I do not feel you adequately answered my question. You’ve also ruined mini-golf.

    Reply
    • February 14, 2012

      Um, I think Amanda was the only one who didn’t answer your question. I did a GREAT job.

      I’m sorry for ruining mini-golf for you. If it makes you feel any better, mini-golf wasn’t that awesome to begin with.

      Reply
      • February 14, 2012

        Mini golfing is never really that fun, Jamie. I promise.

        Reply
  10. February 14, 2012

    When my husband introduces me as his “first wife,” what appliance should I throw at him? ;)

    Reply
  11. February 14, 2012

    I’m still waiting for Siri to answer all of these, and more.
    Not only will she tell us everything we need to know about relationships, but she’ll also probably tell us the nearest places to buy boxers and briefs, and go mini-golfing inappropriately.

    Reply
  12. February 14, 2012

    I’LL NEVER LOOK AT MINI GOLF THE SAME. This Valentine’s Day just took a dark, dark turn.

    Reply
  13. February 14, 2012

    I read this whole freakin’ post and I’m still single. I want a refund. And an apology. I WANT AN APOLOFUND AND A REFOGY.

    Reply
  14. February 14, 2012

    Thank you for answering my question. If I had known, I would have submitted a list of questions, like that Stanton Martin apparently did. Don’t tell him, but personally I think Stanton Martin is a question hog.

    As for your answer to my question, my wife doesn’t do the twitter thing, so do we resort to something more “real”, like maybe a write on board? Oh, wait, I’m thinking I may have been married nearly as long as you’ve been alive (which believe me, makes me feel old), so why am I asking you this question? THAT’S RIGHT…it’s because you asked me to ask questions.

    Here’s a new one: Do they have Valentine’s Day in Canada?

    Reply
    • February 14, 2012

      They tried to bring Valentine’s Day to Canada, but it was stopped at the border because it didn’t have a place to add an extraneous U.

      Reply
    • Stanton
      February 18, 2012

      Some people can’t afford therapy, so they turn to the Internet, ok?

      Reply
  15. Sean
    February 15, 2012

    Alright, I’m going to start this with my own answers to some of theses questions.
    1) Front hugs are merely more empathetic. I myself give front hugs because there is more warmth to them, more personal, which is necessary in our impersonal society.
    2) In most cases, double weddings are not recommended unless both parties insist upon it.
    3) Mini-golf is really dependent upon personal preference…if it has significance or if both parties particularly favor it, then yes, otherwise no.
    4) Burping/farting in the presence of a gentleman caller is acceptable if the gentleman is not the “stuck-up snooty” kind or something…I don’t really have much better of an answer for this one…sorry.
    5) It is possible to have met your future spouse already. Only God knows ^_^
    6) The key to communication is to actually talk to the person. For more information read “The Five Love Languages.”
    7) If in a scenario of holding hands with someone you like while they are holding hands with someone else (who appears to be a threat) don’t get jealous, sometimes it just happens…also, if you’re that threatened, maybe you should step up and ask them out ^_^
    8) I kind of agree with Joseph about the one you like kissing someone else while away, they may have just missed you and have reacted to hormones, don’t let it ruin the relationship if it doesn’t have to.
    9) When a girl cheats on you, dumps you, and then blames you, it is a likely sign that they are guilty and are looking for a scape-goat. Don’t take it to heart to the point where it ruins you, but pull from it what you can.
    10) I’d say that for underwear type: doesn’t matter. Facial hair or no: not preferred for either gender, on women it’s weird; on guys most girls tend to complain that it’s scratchy. Sensitive or confident: a mixture of both (everything in moderation).
    11) Finally, it is not appropriate to be inappropriate…this should be a given by the definition of the word. However things that one might refer to as “inappropriate” (such as innuendos) have times when they are appropriate. These times are when it is understood to be all in good fun without intending offense and also does not cause offense. If it intends to be offensive, it is inappropriate. If it causes offense, it is inappropriate and would be best to be apologized for if the deed has been done.

    Realize that these are my personal thoughts and opinions, not solid facts. Feel free to agree or disagree and realize that no offense (if any was caused) is intended.

    As per my question: Why do most girls tend to like “bad-boys”?
    For the parallel: Why do most guys tend to not look past the physical?

    Reply
  16. Sean
    February 15, 2012

    *the sunglasses face is supposed to be 8 )

    Reply
  17. February 17, 2012

    Is it true that Joseph, like Buddy the elf, wanted to take you–for Valentine’s Day–to that well known (and apostrophe lacking) famous Canadian house of coffee?

    Expiring minds want to know.

    Reply

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