I’m busy trying not to fail at planting a church. I asked some internet friends of mine if they’d guest post for me this week. For day two we are blessed to have Amanda Bast.
Amanda is Canadian. Her favorite food may or may not be Canadian Bacon. She likes wearing fake mustaches and she’s wicked awesome. Be warned, she is from a foreign land so it may be difficult to understand her writing accent. Enjoy.
When Rob asked me to write a post for him for Valentine’s Day, I knew he was really asking for my expert relationship advice, but was too shy to come out and say it. I know that I have a gift that needs to be freely given, and I will live up to that responsibility. However, I am only one woman. I need a man’s opinion to truly make this advice respectable and unbiased. Naturally, I asked my Internet Worst Enemy THE Joseph Craven of The Greatest Blog of All Time to assist me in spreading wisdom across the Internet. Between the two of us, you’ve got yourself some stellar insight. When people heard of our quest, the response was overwhelming. So overwhelming, in fact, that we don’t have space to answer all of your questions today, but will surely answer them on one of our sites in the near future.
Q & A with J & A
Solving the quandaries of life and love
If side hugs are for friends, then are front hugs necessarily flirtatious? – D.A. Broughton
J: Side hugs are the handshake of the friendship world. Front hugs are the SECRET handshake. They don’t mean to be flirty. They just mean to be more awesome and special.
A: I once read an article in a Christian magazine that said that front hugs are inappropriate before marriage. Their suggestion for a replacement? Make him homemade granola. I’ve remembered that for all these years because it’s absolutely ridiculous. Front hugs are for friends. However. I did know a guy once whose front hugs were a little too friendly and he got dubbed “Greg McLinger”. Watch out for that. Front hugs are cool. Just don’t linger.
Are double weddings ever appropriate, especially if both the grooms are rednecks from southern states? – Heather Summers
A: No. No woman wants to share their wedding day with another woman and her man. Back off, get your own sandwich. I mean wedding.
J: Sure! It’s cheaper that way. Your parents will LOVE you for it.
Is a mini golf gift certificate an appropriate anniversary gift? Or is that too risqué, considering the game’s reputation? – Jared Hollier
A: First of all, I didn’t know mini golf had a risqué reputation. What is risqué about mini golf? The balls? The clubs? The holes? I mean, I can see the double entendre happening here, but in terms of being risqué? I’m not so sure. Wait, what was your question? Oh. Anniversary gift, eh? Depends what kind of anniversary. If it was the anniversary of when you went on your first date and you happened to go mini golfing, then sure. Go mini golfing. If it’s your wedding anniversary, it’s probably not a good idea. Nothing says “I promise to love you forever” like a game of putt putt. No. See, that’s not right at all. No mini golf. And a gift certificate implies you wouldn’t even take her yourself. Is she going to go with all of her lady friends? That’s weird, man. No mini golf. It’s not risqué. At least I don’t think it is. I’m just really confused right now. Buy her some flowers.
J: We all know why you would want to go mini-golfing: to defeat your wife in a competitive event. And that’s awesome. But word to the wise: mini-golf is a harsh, harsh mistress. You will NEVER know when she suddenly stops messing around and starts sinking that stupid windmill shot with her eyes closed. So for the sake of your pride, don’t risk it.
When is it acceptable to burp/fart in a gentleman caller’s presence? – Jessica Buttram
A: It’s not. Ever. At least that’s what my mother tells me. I however, do think that in certain situations it is completely acceptable (nay, encouraged) to burp in front of a gentleman caller in order to prove a point. The point being, “I can out-burp you even if you don’t believe it because I’m dainty and ladylike all of the time”. Sometimes it’s necessary.
J: Nah. It’s not. But it’s not going to stop us, right?
Have I already met my future husband? – Jamie Golden
A: You know, I think about this kind of thing often. When I see a stranger on the street I think, “Hmm. I wonder if I’ve ever seen that person before and just didn’t realize it.” And then that gets me thinking about how many people in the world have thought that same thought. And then that gets me thinking about how many people are thinking that same thought at that same exact moment. And then my head usually hurts and I have to lay down for a bit. Stop asking hard questions.
J: Just wait. In no time at all, he’s going to jump out and yell, “SURPRISE!”
What is the key to communication between men and women? – J.T. Adamson
A: Probably Twitter.
J: Faking interest. Also, Twitter.
What do you do when you’re holding hands with the girl you like and at the same time she’s holding another guy’s hand? – Stanton Martin
J: Well, I guess you finish your little game of Ring Around The Rosie or whatever.
A: Call up Jerry Springer and book an appearance. If he’s booked, try Maury.
If a girl says she wants to date you and then makes out with your roommate over spring break, does she really like you? – Stanton Martin
A: Not at all.
J: Yep. She just missed you, and he was the next best thing.
What does it really mean when a girl who has cheated on you dumps you because “you’re not a mature enough Christian?” – Stanton Martin
J: It means you’ve got some great blogging material.
A: I’m going to have to agree with Joseph on this one.
Okay…do you prefer boxers or briefs? Facial hair or no facial hair? Sensitive or confident? – Joy Cannis
J: In a woman? Umm….none of the above?
A: Both. YES. Both.
When is it appropriate to be inappropriate? – Burrill Strong
J: I guess if you go to some inappropriate couples retreat or something. Or maybe a conference on it. But places it is NOT cool? Public swimming pools, for starters. The produce section of the grocery store. Cubicles, generally.
A: Never. Not even in the privacy of your own home. You should always be appropriate, fully clothed and never sitting in close proximity to one another. Ever. I’m pretty sure that’s Biblical. Ask Rob. He’s a pastor.
What other questions about love do you have for Amanda and Joseph?