My Unbucket List

A lot of people have a bucket list. That is a list of things that they want to do before they die. I have an unbucket list. That is a list of things that I hope never happen to me before I die. For example…

  • Get a hemorrhoid.
  • Walk into one of the smoke rooms in the airport. That room looks like the opposite of a good time to me.
  • Throw up. I’ve mentioned this before but I’ve never thrown up and I hope to die before I do. Not that I hope to die soon…I just hope that I die at an old age and maintain my virgin hugging a toilet status.
  • Pass a kidney stone.
  • Own a cat.
  • Go camping for a week. Some people like camping. Some people are also crazy. I don’t get enough vacation days to spend a week pretending to be homeless. No offense to any homeless people that might read this.
  • Sit through a Twilight movie marathon.
  • Go completely bald.
  • Poop out of my mouth. A nurse in my Community Group told me that this happened to one of her patients. They were so backed up that it came projectile out their mouth. I want to wipe my mouth out with toilet paper just thinking about this. Gag nasty.
  • Get stung by a bee. I don’t know how I slipped out of this one but I would like to keep this record going.
  • Get a cavity. 33 years and I’m going strong with 0 cavities.
  • Eat a Lima Bean. I have blogged about this before. Short story is I saw my sister puke after she ate a plateful. From that moment on I vowed to never eat those vile beans.
  • Live in a van down by the river.

What about you? What’s on your unbucket list?

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Rob Shepherd

I am the full-time husband of a wonderful woman! I love being married! We are proud parents to twins, Hayden and Reese. In my spare time I am the pastor of Next Level Church. I have a relationship with God and it is an adventure. Oh and I wrote a book. It's called Even If You Were Perfect Someone Would Crucify You.

61 Comments

  1. November 3, 2011

    may I borrow some of yours first? never get a hemorrhoid. Smoke room scenario. I stop breathing just thinking of that. Kidney stone. Own a cat. The only good one… The Twilight marathon thingy. Talk about taking me away. I would just as soon watch grass grow. Already almost bald. Using body wash for the head also makes for a quicker shower. Been stung by sweat bees, hornet, wasp, honey bee, killer bee, Aunt Bee. Love limas. not too thrilled about navy(soup) beans. Those are the gag nasty ones. Additions: I hope I never take a drink. Smells bad enough. Hope I never go to a ballgame and have someone spill beer on me. I may lose my religion over that one. I hope no one every pukes on me. formula was bad enough but to have it all over me? Can someone say, “Head for the toilet?” I hope I am never forced to listen to a politician. Talk about blah, blah, blah. That’s enough. 🙂

    Reply
    • November 3, 2011

      Bill, I’m with you on the politicians. I don’t have even a little interest in it.

      Reply
  2. November 3, 2011

    Lima beans rock.
    I’m with you on the hemorrhoids and pooping out of my mouth. That would be crappy.

    Reply
  3. Monica Shepherd
    November 3, 2011

    That homeless comment made me laugh out loud. Beware, Lima beans are at dinner tonight- seriously. My unbucket list- be in a car accident (they terrify me), bury a child, watch a Rocky or Rambo marathon (that is in revenge to your twilight nonsense), & have one or more teeth fall out (re-occurring dream that freaks me out).

    Reply
    • November 3, 2011

      Monica, you don’t know how excited I get when I can make you laugh. Oh and the Rocky marathon is on. I’ve watched all the Twilights with you.

      Reply
    • Courtney
      November 3, 2011

      I have that teeth dream to all the time. They like crumble in my mouth. Is that too much???

      Reply
    • Gayle
      November 9, 2011

      I have that same dream – so much that I googled it to see what it means. Per “the internet”, so you know it’s true, dreaming of your teeth falling out means that you feel out of control of something. (work, life, family…) Being a control freak, I can see that maybe that is true. Or, I’m just afraid all my teeth will fall out. Either way, freaks me out.

      Reply
  4. Barbara Rollins
    November 3, 2011

    I’m with Monica…I don’t ever want to have one of my children pass away before me; or my grandchildren. I don’t want to be in a fire; a car accident; or have an airbag blow up in my face. Lima beans don’t bother me, I actually like them, but okra…yuck. I don’t want to become blind; no offense to blind folks. A horror movie marathon is on my un-bucket list…pointless genre.

    Reply
    • November 3, 2011

      Barbara, the children passing away would be awful! I’m not a big fan of okra but I have eaten it fried. If they made limas fried then I’d eat one.

      Reply
  5. November 3, 2011

    Kidney stones were, but I had to take them off. Had 3 surgeries and passed about 40 all together.

    But I would probably say swallow a booger. Never really happened yet.

    Reply
    • November 3, 2011

      40! Wow! I have seen 1 cripple a man. Sorry you had to go through that.

      Reply
      • November 3, 2011

        Thankfully it’s been a while since I’ve had them. And not throwing up is a great goal.

        Reply
  6. November 3, 2011

    Thought-provoking list here. How bout adding, give birth to a fully grown moo cow? Now that’s something to avoid, especially for a dude who is in no way attracted to beef, well at least not in that way.

    Reply
    • November 3, 2011

      Daniel, ha-larious comment here. You made me laugh on that one.

      Reply
  7. Scott H.
    November 3, 2011

    Quick story on camping. A month before I married my wife, my father-in-law (who is awesome and I love him) said I couldn’t marry his daughter unless I go to the “Catfish Round-up” with him. (The name says it all). I got there and it rained like the end of days the whole time. I swear the animals started going by 2 x 2. He had me set up my tent in a deer graveyard at the bottom of a hill. (note the torrential rain and gravity combination). None of those details were apparent to anyone until I tried to get to sleep that night and my tent had 18 inches of water in it along with deer bones. I ended up “sleeping” in the trunk of my Mitsubishi Eclipse soaking wet. I will never, ever, ever camp again! I haven’t thrown up in 13 years, but if you mention the “poop out of your mouth thing” one more time, I think my stretch will surely end!

    Reply
    • November 3, 2011

      Scott, I felt your pain when you wrote “Catfish Round-up.” Hate camping! I have your Tupperware at my house still. Will you be there Sunday so I can give it back?

      Reply
  8. November 3, 2011

    Im with you on the kidney stone…and i’m at a loss for words on the poop out of mouth bit…

    I hope I never own a cat.
    burn with fire…

    basically….i hope i never feel any physical pain at all from anything! I’m allergic to pain!!! LOL…

    Reply
  9. Kris
    November 3, 2011

    Bury a child, get cut by a knife, be bed ridden. I actually saw a dog puke up dog poop. It was THE GROSSEST thing I have ever seen.

    Reply
    • Kris Hughes
      November 3, 2011

      Oh, I forgot a big one. Have a mouse run across me.

      Reply
      • November 3, 2011

        Kris, your unbucket list is gross. Love it! Thanks for the comment.

        Reply
  10. November 3, 2011

    – see Celine Dion in concert (my heart would not go on)
    – see the inside of a prison cell
    – Witness Protection Program
    – watch a marathon (or even a single show) of Toddlers and Tiaras.

    Reply
  11. Courtney
    November 3, 2011

    Mine would be stung by a jelly. I think that’s why I have such an unusual fear of them. We will see how it goes I just feel like I’m biding time every summer.

    Reply
    • November 3, 2011

      Court, I thought it happened one time at the river house. I’ve never been stung either. It’s not that great of a fear because I avoid the beach.

      Reply
  12. November 3, 2011

    Item #1 on my unbucket list: have a bucket list.

    Reply
  13. Randal
    November 3, 2011

    1. Bury a child (they’re teenagers so I have to remind myself
    occasionally.

    2. Go through a divorce (19 years today and going strong, we work
    hard to avoid this becoming an issue)

    3. Knee surgery (this may be inevitable…)

    4. Puke poop (um…ew, wasn’t on the list before but now…)

    5. Spongebob marathon (the horror…the horror…)

    Reply
    • November 3, 2011

      Randal, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! That’s really exciting! Keep up the great work.

      Reply
  14. November 3, 2011

    I never want to go to Disney world. I have a phobie of dressed up characters, if I see one unexpectadly at a Mall or carnival I literally freeze and cry.

    Parachute jump. I’m in a perfectly good plane, I will not jump out of it, it will not get me to my destination quicker.

    See Take That in concert, literally my whole town went last year and I refused.

    One bucket list thing that I have done, is 2 weeks ago had a tattoo!

    All the talk of children dying and fires and car crashes, I don’t actually think those things are on anyone’s bucket list, so no need to add them to my unbucket, goes without saying!

    Lastly I cannot believe you have never thrown up! When I am dru…I mean ill, I will make myself sick just to get it over with and you feel so much better immediately!

    Reply
  15. Joseph M.
    November 3, 2011

    First off Mad kuddos for the Chris Farley referance. Where would we be in comedy if he would have hung around. I have to admit I read most of this post with the “ewww” face on. Below is my Unbucket list.

    .) Own a Cat
    .) Break a bone
    .) Loose a close love one
    .) Have a heart attack ( Yeah I know, that should be a given right, but needs to be mention when I am sitting at 246 CLS level)

    .) Contiune to witness the decay of society
    .) Witness the total downfall, and decay of soceity.
    .) Be forced to live on a society based on black market trading. (I am just not that good of a wheeler and dealer.)

    Reply
    • November 3, 2011

      Joseph, I’m impressed that you’ve never broke a bone. Nicely done.

      Reply
  16. November 3, 2011

    I am most impressed by you never getting a cavity. That takes hard work and dedication. Well played, Sir.

    Reply
    • November 3, 2011

      Joe, I think it also takes good genes. At least that’s what my dentist says.

      Reply
  17. Tammie Saunders
    November 3, 2011

    This is so funny! All the responses are hilarious. Rob you make me laugh!

    Reply
  18. November 3, 2011

    Walk into work realizing I don’t have any pants on. Now that would be humiliating.

    Reply
  19. November 3, 2011

    Dustin, I’m with you on that. Have you ever had that dream? I have but it was in high school. AWFUL!

    Reply
  20. November 3, 2011

    Unbucket list. Great idea. No cavities, barfing, or bee stings? Insane. Mark me down as an unfortunate victim of all three, multiple times each.

    Especially jealous your tongue has never felt lima bean.

    Reply
    • November 4, 2011

      TMZ, so what’s on your unbucket list?

      Reply
      • November 5, 2011

        Your post actually inspired me to create my own list for my site. Will totally give you a shout-out when that post happens. 😉

        Reply
        • November 5, 2011

          I look forward to it.

          Reply
  21. November 3, 2011

    Dude, this list is hilarious. Can I borrow it sometime?

    What would I add to the list?

    Have a root canal. I’ve had plenty of dental work and oral surgery over the years, but the thoughts of a root canal don’t appeal to me.

    Cancer. I’ve seen other friends deal with this. I’d prefer to avoid this if possible.

    Work in a fertilizer plant. I have to imagine this job could really stink.

    These are just a few things that I’d add to the list.

    Reply
    • November 4, 2011

      Jon, borrow away. I look forward to seeing your list.

      Reply
  22. November 3, 2011

    I never want to eat pudding again for as long as I live. Never.

    Reply
    • November 4, 2011

      Mandie, is that because of the poop thing or because it’s on your unbucket list?

      Reply
  23. November 3, 2011

    Have my eyeballs pecked out by birds. So far, so good.

    Reply
  24. deanna
    November 4, 2011

    I do not want to outlive my child, become paralyzed or have any type of debilitating disease. I’m also terrified of being stuck in a burning building or drowning.

    Reply
    • November 4, 2011

      Deanna, that is a fierce unbucket list. I hope none of it happens to you.

      Reply
  25. November 6, 2011

    I never want to be hung upside-down like a pinata and tickled by large, hairy Eastern European men.

    So far, so good.

    Reply
    • November 6, 2011

      Larry, thanks for that one. It made me laugh.

      Reply
  26. Faith
    November 6, 2011

    I don’t ever want to be trapped in a car underwater (even if I manage to escape), I have a crazy fear of that for some reason, especially when my kids were much younger (who do I grab first to get out, and how do I manage both of them? How do we get out?). Or buried alive. Probably because I’m a bit claustrophobic.

    Reply
    • November 6, 2011

      Faith, I hope you never have to experience any of that.

      Reply
  27. November 7, 2011

    I am so impressed that you have never thrown up… nor had a cavity. What in the world?!

    … and that “pooping out of the mouth” thing is definitely on my list!

    –@terracecrawford

    Reply
  28. November 8, 2011

    Owing to the fact that I was born with only one, not having a kidney stone is rather high on my unbucket list. Also high on the list is beating the sleep apnea that’s kicking my butt every night. Other than that, can’t think of anything.

    Reply
  29. November 30, 2011

    I’ll add skydive, eat a McRib, pose naked for a drawing class to the anit-bucket list…

    Reply

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